Wednesday, May 30, 2007
i'm writing this post partially because of a certain friend, partially because of a message that i got from a relatively unknown girl and for all the girls out there i suppose.
to me everyone is in control of what they do and what they say. true, sometimes i do say things that well i don't mean so i hope people don't take it the wrong way. and sometimes i do things that i shouldn't especially when i am drunk so hopefully no one holds me accountable to my drunken debauchery. but other than that, most of the time you are in control of yourself. you are responsible for your own actions.
so what do you do when you give that control to someone else?
that is what my girl-friend did. she gave that control to someone else. all because of love. true, love is blind that you know that there is a hole in front of you but every gut feeling is telling you to let go to just jump. let go of all your inhibitions. but then what happens when things go wrong? what if there is nothing to catch you at that bottom of that hole? who is going to piece back all your broken pieces?
yes it is hard. falling in love is not at all a bed of roses sometimes coz we forget that roses have thorns. so what i'm saying is that please, even if you're in love, keep part of that control. control over yourself. over your actions. over your heart. over the amount of trust that you have for someone so that it won't go overboard. it's this control that will keep you from falling to pieces at the end of the day. true friends will always be there to help piece you back together to make things seem better, but there is a limit to what they can do really. it is up to you gather yourself together and want to piece your life together.
don't say that i don't know how it feel like to be in love. don't say i haven't met the person that makes me want to throw caution to the wind. because i have. i have met a person that makes me want to just take that leap even though the pit seems bottomless. and all i can do is pray that he is at the bottom to catch me. but past mistakes, past relationships that have formed me into what i am now have made me think twice about things. make me more cautious, more careful coz i know what the pain is like. and the memory of the pain is more than enough to refrain me from giving up the control i have over myself. so for now if he really has feelings for me i hope he can be patient.
so i hope that you guys just keep this piece of advice at heart. and well think before you leap.
anyway i found a really cute blog click here to read it
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
ok i woke up this morning because of a really bad dream..
i was sitting in a cafe with kimBear and i really wanted to eat cake ( yes i'm having cravings for cake now) and he wouldn't buy one for me coz he said that it would make me fat!
but along comes his bffX and well he jumped outta his seat and happily bought her a piece of cake.. the cake that I WANTED!!
so i stormed outta the cafe and went to look for my BestieJes and cried.
i think i have a problem.. it's called jealousy.. even in my dream!! this is sad...
i'm still not over it.. *sigh*
and i want cake now...
i hope she likes it!!
other than that.. Pirates of the Carribean 3
a 3 hour movie. damn long. leg cramp. an ok watch, as in not too bad but i still prefer the first one. wonder how many times i'm going to watch this one since i got dragged into watching the 2nd one 4 times!!
and in one week i've already watched it twice.
but still it is worth a watch coz i love johnny depp in his part as captain jack sparrow.. who doesnt??
according to friends there is a 4th one coming out? i suppose they're trying to milk the money making cow dry then..
Monday, May 28, 2007
i nearly forgot to annouce OpsLangkawi
the plan.. go to Langkawi for about 3 days
and get wasted on the duty free alcohol by the beach and also spa..
sounds really relaxing to me just what i'd need after exams..
anyway so far got 1 confirmed and 2 maybes..
any more takers in this operation??
let me know soon!! it'll take place sometime 21/22 june and will last 3-4 days..
it'll be loads of fun so i hope more people wanna take part..
Sunday, May 27, 2007
haha i like this pic.. there are 3 monkeys in it!! hahaha
sorry i know there is not a lot coz someone suddenly MIA on his own birthday.. o.O'
SeanDaMan! and no that is not my drink..
this is the other Sean.. if i say other Sean i'm talking about this guy..
the DoubleHappiness couple..
that's it for the week though! now it's SwotVac.. damn it
o and i nearly forgot..
Thursday, May 24, 2007
I'm just thinking if it weren't for the friends i've made and the things i've done. Where would i be now? Would i be the same person as i was if certain things didn't happen or if i didn't meet certain people? I can name a few people that i know if it weren't for them i wouldn't be here.
And would i regret not being here? Not meeting the people i've come to know as my good friends. Can i regret something that i never felt before?
Funnily though when i think about it, after everything that has been said and done sometimes i wonder how come i'm not stronger than this? I mean everytime i break i manage to pick myself up together without anyone's help and still be alright. But how come this time i feel so much weaker than before? And this time if i somehow do break, how come i'm partially hoping that you will save me?
Do i think i have matured with time? Yes i have. Because the people i've met over this past 1 year have really opened up my eyes. That in a way they've made me accept several things about the past that i cannot change because they're already past. No matter how much they still hurt no matter how upset i get about it, all i can do now is look forward. Hopefully they'll all continue being there for the future me.
I have come to fully understand that love is something that shouldn't just be given away on a whim. Maybe that's why i'm so cautious. Maybe i'm afraid. Which girl isn't scared of getting her heart broken?? hmm?? But then again. My heart is here, in a way you already have it, but i just want you to know how important it is and treasure it.
I don't have a clue where this post is heading to. But to me this is me revealing part of myself already. Something that i rarely do. But the things that have occured lately, i need an outlet to say it all out.
but on a lighter note:
MADISONS THIS FRIDAY NIGHT!
tickets are $16
you know what number to call.. SO DO IT ALREADY!
plus it's AlkyIggy's 21st birthday and ChilliCharms birthday celebrations.
if you guys know these 2 infamous alcoholics please come and get them drunk off their asses on this special occasion to mark their growing times. i can't do it all alone! it's 2 against 1 at the moment...
extra news folks.. my flight is now on the 14th of june. the arvo flight. i'm going home 14 days earlier than the initial plan. so see you all really really soon.. well sooner than expected anyway..
Monday, May 21, 2007
my BestieJes is an artist..
coz she managed to talk a guy into letting her do this to him:
doesn't he look so much more pretty now?
haha couldn't stop laughing when i saw this picture.. haha
few little known facts about me..
1. i can count the people really close to me on one hand. they know who they are and weirdly my bf/ex-es aren't one of them. i have a hard time letting others in.
2. i love andy warhol's art. yes i love the abstract none practical aspects to life.
3. i collect denim. i freakishly have 21 pairs of jeans. i have idea no why but i haven't worn at least 5 pairs.
4. i love dita von tesse because she makes taking off your clothes seem sexy and classy at the same time instead of slutty.
5. i have only one real fear in life. and it's not heights, snakes, spiders or bugs. you have to find this one out yourself.
6. i design jewellery when i am bored. but i haven't made anything in a long time, till only lately.
7. and yes i do talk to myself
Sunday, May 20, 2007
GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR EXAMS GUYS!!
notice the whole multi-colourednes??
coz rainbows are meant to be a sign of good luck and this one is for the both of you.. =)
oh and to all my UK friends who are having exams too!!
not 100% sure who is and who is not.. all i know is that i am in 3 weeks time =(
and i'll need a little bit of this rainbow then..
i'd like to point out that i didn't drink that amount of chivas. that's because i don't particularly love drinking chivas
CoffeeTwo gave me that bottle with that amount of Chivas in it as a house-warming present.. hope that made you laugh
and i just like to say MissTina and WHY... my blog's chatterbox has never been so interesting..
and about the taking pics nude thing.. at least there is something for me to laugh at when i get bored..
WHY if you really want to, we can do it on your second 21st or let's all play a stip poker game!!
JK JK! don't take it seriously..
i'm damn shitless and lifeless at the moment..
other than that..
I FINISHED SUPER MARIO!!
siao.. i know.. i only got the present 5 days ago and i finished the whole game already..
ok ok .. i cheated slightly at the last stage but that's it no other cheats... haha..
Saturday, May 19, 2007
i'm having a mixed rollercoaster of emotions at the moment.. so this is a very emo post.. don't read if you have trouble dealing with my emo side..
no matter how hard you try to move on. somehow the past has a way of creeping up on you
it's just like tonight. i don't mean to ruin things, but like you i just wanted to have a little bit of fun. sorry i don't mean to ruin your birthday i really don't but it turns out that with you around things have a way of turning wrong. and sometimes i do wonder why we cant' be friends. it's really sad coz you were a part of me for 4+ years.
things are just so fake. those that you thought that were your friends aren't really there for you and those that you didn't think of in the first place tend to stick up for you. to you-know-who that thinks that i'm a trouble maker thanks for sticking up for me. sorry if i did ruin your fun tonight.
and to those that are wanting to come bash the fuck out of me. i dare you to come bash the fuck out of me. i mean it. i'm sick of it. if i want a night out of fun and you want to come ruin it, i've only got one thing to say to you bitches, BRING THE FUCK ON! i just hope that you fucking read this because i sincerely mean it. don't just yell at me. actually try and take it to another level so that it gives me a reason to smash the fuck outta you. you are very rude and direspectful and you have no fucking right to yell at me for no reason.
i seriously hope that god gives you some class coz you're never going anywhere with that sort of attitude!
i already told you leave me alone bitch. i really just want you to piss off..
AHH.. whatever la...
and to ***
if you loved me. why aren't you ever there for me when i need you the most. i want you to catch me when i fall but i find myself still free-falling to nowhere. why is it that when the tears fall the shoulder that i lean on is not yours? why is it that lately i feel that you give me more tears than laughs? why is it that i'm always only second-best, and i have to compromise being alright with second best..
i want, need you to know how you feel about me. don't be with me just coz you feel like you have to...
no hearts this time around.. too exhausted.. need to love myself first ok?
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
in pink some more!!
super-duper happy!! thank you so much kimBear!!
so sweet that you got me such a nice pressie..
only one small problem... EXAMS ARE COMING!! =(
so cannot play as much as i like..
that's why in the first picture the box is sitting on a pile of books..
but damn fail la.. this thing is like calling out to me to play with it..
it's so damn good to procrastinate on.. i need to hide it somewhere to avoid temptation..
other than that..
I'VE BEEN DOMESTICATED!!
other than study lately.. all i do is cook or clean..
well actually more cooking than cleaning really..
i've came up with a few recipes that taste pretty good so far..
- beef and mushroom rissotto
- lamb cutlets in red wine with brocollini and mash
- roast chicken wrapped in bacon with silvered potatoes on blue cheese sauce and italian salad with vinegrette dressing
not to boast or anything but they've all been not bad actually although they were all experimental since i made them all up..
too bad though there are no pics coz me and my housemates were too hungry
anyway, back to studying no more procrastinating..
Sunday, May 13, 2007
ride the lion.. one ride = $2
let's kiss the fishy!!
lucky guy ain't he?
i love you!!