Thursday, September 07, 2006

i usually don't talk about things like this but now i need to let it out.
for a very long time i was in love. in love with this boy that i thought i would have a happy ever after with. and you could say that he was my world, my everything. but love needs work and it's not easy. me being young and naive still kept trying to work it out to keep things going. and after all that it still didn't end up the way that i wanted it to be.

in the end i was hurt and i think he was too, because it didn't turn out the way we wanted it. i was honestly hurting for a long time and no matter how hard i wish i don't think i can be the same person i was again because too much has changed. it's not easy loving someone genuinely, giving your everything to someone and make them your entire world. everything that is part of you is also part of him, because he completes you. and after all that i just ended up getting hurt and crying about it. so now i'll treat those 3 words with a lot more care.

but i still want to believe that the pain was worth it. it was worth all the love that you put in. because if you never tried in the first place, then you would never know what love is. you would never know how it feels to be held in someone's arms and feel safe and comfortable, to kiss him and feel butterflies in your stomach, to wake up smiling just coz he is beside you, and to fall asleep contented coz he is next to you. i think in the end, it was all really worth it.

so i've been hurting a long time, but thanks to my family, brothers and friends, i think i'm much better now. thanks for showing me how to love myself first before anyone else. that way i wouldn't keep hurting myself and beating myself up for things that happened. thanks so much to all the people who were there for me when i was being difficult and didn't leave even though i knew you wanted to.

and now i think it could be possible to just love again, even though i'm not really ready for a relationship, i think that it could be possible in the future. and even though it could end up hurting me at the end of the day it could be worth it. this pain won't kill me it'll just make me stronger. and so i just have to make wiser decisions in the future because that person has to be really really worth it.

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