so much time has passed and i still question myself, what have i done so far? it's as if time has just flown by and i have acheived nothing but landing myself back at the begining, and i've made absolutely no progress, except to do everything wrong. try as i might looking back i think i could have made better decisions and love myself a lot more.
at the same time however, i have no regrets. i loved as much as i could, and tried as hard as i can, even though at times my feelings may not have been reciprocated and all i end up doing is hurting myself and hurting others in the process, it's all part of life and it's meant to make us stronger doesn't it?
sad to say, i'm quiet sick of it all. i'm so sick of the games people play with my head. it's like i'm just trying to be the best person i can be and all you do is tear me up inside. and then i become less trusting, less loving, less of everything that makes me the nice person i am. so now i don't believe in relationships. i don't believe you can honestly love another person that much, unless you are a saint. i'm never going to treat those 3 little words so lightly anymore. because they mean so much more, and giving your all to someone is a very big thing.
i'm sorry for all the pain and frustration that i have given everyone who has cared deeply about me by being so motivated to just self-destruct. but right now i'm pretty messed up and well i'm not ready to take another person into my heart and give them everything and end up being this way again. the pain is not worth it.